Dortmund World Championships – 20.1

How the hell am I going to describe Bastien Salabanzi’s contest run? It was definitely off the meat wave and made my eyes gush blood, but that doesn’t truly describe the destruction from this cocky French kid. Screw it, here’s the trick list: kickflip nose-manual to shove-it out, backside 180 flip over the gap, nollie 180 heelflip (the hard way) over the hip, kickflip front board down the rail, kickflip backlip to fakie on the flatbar, kickflip up the step up to five-0, ollie over frontside crooks to fakie, finished with the hands thrown in the air like it’s soccer-game victory dance. Bastien is so damn good it’s scary. But what’s almost as scary is the fact that Rodil Araujo came close to beating him. Rodil is probably the most consistent skater I’ve ever seen and is proof of just how crazy contest skating is getting these days.

The only thing crazier is that the Germans weren’t allowed to chain smoke in the stadium this year. Sure, it was kind of weird watching a German contest without having to squint through a thick cloud of smoky haze, and it would’ve been nice to get lung cancer as a little souvenir, but overall the contest was great. Good job, Germans! I’m serious! You Germans did great this year. I don’t know why everyone in Europe hates you. I mean, sure you guys are pretty uptight, and I had to fight the urge to punch some of you in the face a couple times, but as long as you guys don’t invade any countries or try that Hitler thing again, I think you could actually start pulling some chicks.

I’m not saying the girls in Germany aren’t hot, but it wouldn’t hurt to import some Swedish women. Hey, it’s like they’re in Europe, and you’re in Europe, so you guys already have something in common. Just pour all that German ale you have in a huge keg and invite them over. Hype it up as “the world’s biggest kegger” or something and make a ton of flyers and send out a bunch of e-mails-Just make sure you don’t tell any other dudes! The last thing you want is a sausage party because you guys live in Germany, and as far as I can tell you have more sausage than deodorant.

Not that you guys should put on more deodorant, but once you get the Swedish chicks to the world’s biggest kegger you don’t need to be stinkin’. Everyone knows that these Swedish chicks don’t like funk. Actually, once you put on your deodorant and wrap your arm around a hot blonde Swedish woman, don’t even let her know you’re German. Tell her you’re Dutch or something, just in case she hates Germans. Oh yeah, you better invite me, too! I’d be guaranteed to hook up with a Swiss Miss ’cause a bunch of uptight dorky German sausage at a kegger would make me look like Brad Pitt!-Shad “Why Did We Pay $3000 To Send Shad To Europe?” Lambert

Results
Vert Finals
1. Rune Glifberg
2. Sandro Dias
3. Matt Dove
4. Pierre Luc Gagnon
5. Omar Hassan
6. Lincoln Ueda
7. Christiano Mateus
8. Renton Millar
9. Neal Hendrix
10. Sergio N. de Paula
Street Finals
1. Bastien Salabanzi
2. Rodil Araujo Jr.
3. Rick McCrank
4. Chad Bartie
5. Chris Senn
6. Omar Hassan
7. Stefan Lehnert
8. Kristian Svitak
9. Chet Childress
10. Kyle Berard
Highest Air Contest
1. Lincoln Ueda (12 feet 3 inches)
2. Sandro Dias
3. Christiano Mateus

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