We’ve Got Mail

By Transworld
Wed, May 2 2007 3:00 pm | Comments

First of all, who knew Rollerbladers still existed? Second of all, who knew there’s actually such a thing as Rollerblader pride? And last but not least, why would someone actually write in to tell us all about it? Ah, so many unanswered questions, yet so much laughter at the expense of those who deserve to be laughed at. Send us a dying breed to twshasmail@yahoo.com and myspace.com/transworldskateboarding. Or mail us a soul grind to:
TransWorld SKATEboarding
Attn: We’ve Got Mail
353 Airport Road
Oceanside, CA 92054

We were going to give the author of the Letter Of The Month a Chad Muska pro-model board from Element, but he doesn’t even skate, so what’s the point? Sorry, pal.

LETTER OF THE MONTH My name is Michael Amendt, and I’m an aggressive in-line skater from Tampa, Florida. I want to know what is the whole problem between skateboarders and Rollerbladers? I never had problems with skateboarders until I started Rollerblading five years ago and realized most of you guys are jerks.

I mean, what’s the problem? It’s not my fault that us Rollerbladers can do more technical sh-t and all. And what’s with the whole “fruitbooter” thing? When you guys say it, you’re actually insulting yourselves because of how retarded you sound. That’s like first-grade stuff. And that’s not it. I have a few skateboarder friends, and when I go skating with them at some skateparks, other skateboarders won’t even let me get a run in. Well, I guess it never is really going to change, but in the end I’d rather be a fruitbooter than a woodpusher.-MIKE!.., via MySpace
We’re speechless-and as hard as it is to believe, the next letter is even worse (or for entertainment purposes, much better) than this one. Damn, we really are jerks.

ROLLERBOARDERS This message is a response to last month’s issue (March ’07) and to make a point. I read the letter about in-liners and it pissed me off so much I almost snapped my board. I’ve been a big sports person since I was four years old. I learned to skate when I turned six and used a crappy Wal-Mart board. At the same time I would in-line doing cool tricks and jump about three feet high. I can’t believe you dis in-liners like this.

My friend who loves skating also in-lines. So piss on you, anti-in-liners! I will prove anyone can be a sports hybrid! And by the way, in-line is just as fast and competitive. Watch clips from the 2002 X Games and you’ll see.-Andrew Tannus, Bradenton Florida

(Insert hysterical burst of laughter here) Wow, you are one pathetic monkey. Let us check you and your “hybrid” buddy into pathetic rehab or something. And while you’re at it, check out some clips from a skate video for a change.

LAND BEFORE JOCK I’m a skateboard fanatic. I live in Baker County, Florida, the land of rednecks and jocks who hate skateboarders. I don’t have that many spots here, but I respect what I have. But back to the point. When I go skating, I hear a lot of comments directed at me, like “skater dork” or “douche bag” and much more. I have even gotten eggs thrown at me (stupid jocks). I have a question to ask you guys at TWS: How did the redneck and jock vs. skaters argument start?-Alex Magnan, Baker County, Florida

There’s been a lot of theories about the birth of the jock vs. skater feud as this question gets asked from time to time. But seriously, think about it. If you had tribal tattoos, took steroids, and lifted your truck high above the sad life you actually live, wouldn’t you hate on the ones who are having all the fun too?

DEATH ROW I’m writing this as a somewhat-dying skateboarder. I have lost much enthusiasm for skating due to the fact that nearly all of my friends have hung up their boards. Now almost all they do is smoke weed and get as wasted as possible, and that’s just not my kind of thing. I know it seems weird, a sixteen-year-old skateboarder who doesn’t smoke or even drink, but it’s just not appealing at all to me. I’d ratr be skating a ledge or even a tiny manual pad. I miss skating with them. I miss the late-night rail sessions and the trips to downtown. I miss playing SKATE and not really caring who won because the only thing that mattered was that we were all on our boards.
Now, I rarely ever skate because I only have two other friends who skate. I skate alone sometimes, but it’s just not the same. The only thing that keeps me interested is my monthly issue of TransWorld. My friends are retarded. Skateboarding was what brought all of us together and gave us such happiness. Now that’s gone, and I’m the only one left.-Nathan Hardy, Plano, Texas
Those who refuse to turn their back on skateboarding and stand the true test of time shall reap the greatest rewards in the end. This sounds all spiritual and stuff, but there’s probably some sort of truth to it.

GNARVOLUTION In the beginning of time there was “gnar,” and then “gnar gnar,” sometimes “gnarnia,” and even the occasional “gnartastic,” which I am personally not a fan of. Still not satisfied? Well, you shouldn’t be. Just the other day I was hanging with my friend in B-town (mad respect to the homegrown Mark Appleyard), and I think that I may have found the conclusion to the “gnar” series. Yes, I found the gnar of all gnars. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: “shred gnar.” Explosive, isn’t it? Go ahead and use it ’til your heart is content.
So, as I’m sitting up here freezing my ass off in Canada, I just thought that I would share that little gem with you boys down at TransWorld. By the way, the man who writes the First Words column is a genius-keep up the good work and shred some gnar. Cheers.-Tim Lasswell, via e-mail
That’s all you came up with? “Shred gnar”? What about gnarnical? Or gnarne asada? Or even Conan the Gnarbarian? Come on, Tim, we’re disappointed in you.

HALLUCISKATE I was wondering if any other skaters get visions of skating in everyday objects. Ever since I started skating, every time I see a bathtub I see Brent Atchley in there working his magic. Is this normal?
Also, to the guy who said we should gang up on in-line skaters, I would like to say I agree. But I’d like to say that BMXers are worse. Whenever you’re at a skatepark, they take up the whole park. I say that we just get rid of all action sports and get rid of the name action sports completely. Skating isn’t a sport, it’s a form of art. You come up with tricks, but you never get a point. You can do whatever you want. So stop calling it a sport.-Noah Landy, Sharon Massachusetts
Don’t worry, Noah, what you’ve got is completely normal. Skateboarders just see the world differently-like one big skatepark. Although, seeing Brent Atchley “working his magic” in the bathtub is a little creepy.

BIG BROTHER The other day I had to go to see a doctor and I got directions to his office, which I’d never been to before. I don’t know about other skateboarders, but my sense of direction is completely skate influenced. If I need to go somewhere, I will just relate it to the nearest skate spot. Like, “Oh yeah, it’s by that eleven-stair that so-and-so front blunted.” It’s easy to do that where I live, in Orange County, California, because there are so many spots and relatively famous ones too. Anyway, I got the directions and looked on Google Earth, and the office was at the exact building where I have actually skated and filmed before. It was this white building called Taj Mahal in Laguna Hills, California.
So I got there and I was walking up the steps and just looking at the building and the spot. It felt strange to be there for something other than skating because I didn’t feel like I was going to get kicked out at any second. The history of video clips started running through my mind. I remembered when Daniel Haney boardslid that crazy double-kink long rail or how people cut out the fence part so it made a perfect gap into the parking lot, and the famous smaller rail down the long stairs. The ground is freaking buttery marble too.
Anyway, I was thinking of the more recent slaughter on that rail in videos like C1RCA’s It’s Time. I actually filmed Dennis Durrant’s kickflip crooks at that very rail, long lens from a tree. Ants were crawling all over me in that damn tree.
Anyway, my point is that as I was walking up to go into the building, I noticed a huge surveillance camera pointed directly at the rail. The camera isn’t new, and for years, I’ve remembered it every time I’ve been there. Then I started thinking: I wonder where all that footage is? There has to be surveillance footage of all those tricks that went down there. So I wonder how much surveillance footage is out there in the world? I guess we may never know, but it sure would be cool to get ahold of it all. Maybe someday I will make it my mission to try to scam the footage from that place. I wonder how I could do it. Any suggestions?-Pat Flaherty, via e-mail
Start a surveillance company and set up cameras at all the famous skate spots. You’ll have not only video of every trick that goes down, but also some really angry skaters filming for video parts.

MISTAKEN I was reading an article in the TWS magazine and I found a typo in the photo caption on page 134 in the March ’07 issue in the “DC Kings Of New York” article. The first sentence reads “with all the talk about about (“about” was printed twice) tre flips and melancholies,” and I think it was supposed to say “with all the talk about tre flips and melancholies.” I read that some guy got paid for finding an error in the magazine, so I was wondering if I get paid.-Matt, Costa Mesa, California
You’re in luck, we actually pay 100 dollars per mistake found. Just send us a 200-dollar processing fee and we’ll send out your money.
Ha! I agree. His comment about Brent threw me off for a second!
long stairs. The ground is freaking buttery marble too.
Anyway, I was thinking of the more recent slaughter on that rail in videos like C1RCA’s It’s Time. I actually filmed Dennis Durrant’s kickflip crooks at that very rail, long lens from a tree. Ants were crawling all over me in that damn tree.
Anyway, my point is that as I was walking up to go into the building, I noticed a huge surveillance camera pointed directly at the rail. The camera isn’t new, and for years, I’ve remembered it every time I’ve been there. Then I started thinking: I wonder where all that footage is? There has to be surveillance footage of all those tricks that went down there. So I wonder how much surveillance footage is out there in the world? I guess we may never know, but it sure would be cool to get ahold of it all. Maybe someday I will make it my mission to try to scam the footage from that place. I wonder how I could do it. Any suggestions?-Pat Flaherty, via e-mail
Start a surveillance company and set up cameras at all the famous skate spots. You’ll have not only video of every trick that goes down, but also some really angry skaters filming for video parts.

MISTAKEN I was reading an article in the TWS magazine and I found a typo in the photo caption on page 134 in the March ’07 issue in the “DC Kings Of New York” article. The first sentence reads “with all the talk about about (“about” was printed twice) tre flips and melancholies,” and I think it was supposed to say “with all the talk about tre flips and melancholies.” I read that some guy got paid for finding an error in the magazine, so I was wondering if I get paid.-Matt, Costa Mesa, California
You’re in luck, we actually pay 100 dollars per mistake found. Just send us a 200-dollar processing fee and we’ll send out your money.
Ha! I agree. His comment about Brent threw me off for a second!