Ace In The Hole, The Chris Troy Interview.

To start with, who the hell are you anyways?

Christopher Bill Troy

Bill? How’d that happen?

Technically speaking it’s William. Bill just sounds better.

Moving on Bill, let’s get the back-round information out of the way?

I was born in Oregon and now reside in Carlsbad, Ca. Tengo catorce anos (I’m 14 years old).

Do you have any nicknames?

Yes’ms, dirt or dirt mcgurt, or as you once called me little ole lady.

Who’s been stupid enough to sponsor so far?

Polydent, Adio shoes, Krew Clothing, FKD Bearings, Phantom Trucks, Surf Ride Board shop, and many Urgent Care Facilities.

That’s an impressive list you have going so far. I noticed there’s no board or wheel sponsors though.

Yeah, the industry is kind of slow right now and it’s really hard to get hooked up. Ideally, I’d like to ride for Enjoi. They have a fun image and they get down to business.

Who has inspired you in the four years you’ve been skating?

Jon Alley and Billy Marks. They both do some nice flip-ins to grinds and what not.

I’ve heard you’ve broken your wrist three times in the last three years.

Yeah, and I might have to have it broken again tomorrow. It might not be healing right, so the doctor may have to reset it tomorrow.

Damn, are you fer serious? Are you nervous at all?

No, I’m just going to think about your mom naked.

I’ll take that as a compliment.

So you’ve been telling me that you’ve been playing tennis in P.E. lately?

That’s correct

Ever wonder why tennis balls are fuzzy?

Well, I figured out that the fuzz slows down the ball in flight, keeps it from bouncing too high, and let’s the racket get a better grip on it. Where as, a ball with no fuzz would travel so fast and bounce so high that the game would be unplayable. In addition to this subject, I often ponder why Swiss cheese has several holes missing in it.

Let me take this one. Swiss cheese is made by heating cows milk at high temperatures and then lifting the curd from the whey in one mass. This mass is then shaped into blocks, salted with strong brine, wrapped to prevent drying, and stored for six to eight weeks to ferment at 80 degrees Fahrenheit. The holes are formed during this latter part of the process when bubbles of carbon dioxide gas are liberated by bacteria.

Have you ever been to Neverland?

NEVER! but why did Michael Jackson call Boyz to Men?

OK why?

He thought it was a child delivery service. (ha ha ha!)

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Hopefully getting by on skateboarding, if not, maybe I’ll be a stripper.

What do you want on your tombstone?

Pepperoni and olives.

Now is your chance to show some love?

Dan Santovin, Jason Maxwell, Steve Clair, Danny Gorman, Ryan Lusteg, Kenny Hoyle, Derek Eisenkirch, my parents, Dana Shaw, Lannie Rhodes, and Dave Smith.

If you could travel anywhere in the world and money were not a consideration, where would you go and what would you do?

I’d go to Cleveland, Ohio—Psych! Fer serious though, I could really use a tan, so maybe Hawaii or Fiji.

Why you talkin shit on Cleveland, Ohio?

I’m not

You’re lucky, if you were this interview would be over!

Yes’ms

Any last words?

Yes’ms!
I am single.
And Large Marge sent me!