Hi. Your letters really suck and we love them. Please send us more. Send sucky e-mails to Skatemag@twsnet.com, or send old-fashioned sucky letters to Litterbox, 353 Airport Road, Oceanisde, California 93054.-Shad

RATTRAY VIDEO PART? I’m a bit confused. I was stoked when I read in your magazine that John Rattray is now on Zero ’cause I think he’s one of the most underrated guys out there. But your mag said that he’s not going to have a part in the new Zero video. Do you guys know why?-Luke, Savanna, Georgia

Yes, because we’re stupid. I don’t know where we got that info, but it was wrong. Jamie just told us that Rattray is going to have a part, and you can bet it’s going to be good.

411BM We just thought that you guys should know that in 411 #11 there’s footage of ????? ?????? (Edited to avoid embarrassment) skating with a boner. I know what you’re thinking, “No way, nobody would use a line where they’re pitching an extra-large tent.” But it’s true! We’ve rewound, paused, and laughed at this many times. We’ve all concluded that it’s not just the normal zipper fold, and it is indeed a legitimate woody. If you don’t believe us, watch for yourself, it’s the line where he’s wearing shorts and does the fakie heelflip.-Mormon Militia

What’s scarier? The fact that you guys actually noticed it? Or the fact that you call yourselves the Mormon Militia?

CHOMP ON THIS! I know TransWorld is coming out with the Chomp On This video, but when is it coming out? Will it be released as the thirteenth video from TransWorld, or is it a video that will come out at a random time?-Via e-mail

Wrong! It’s not a TransWorld video, but word on the street is that it’s probably going to be the video of the year. Chomp is actually an independent project from Ty Evans, Ako Jefferson, Atiba Jefferson, Lee Dupont, and all their homeys. A handful of pros are also going to be in it and if everything works out you should be chomping by Christmas.

DEATH RAYS I was submitting myself to radio-active death rays (watching TV) when I flipped it to MTV. I was watching and couldn’t help but notice that Fred and the boys had copied several scenes from Pink Floyd’s The Wall. This may not seem to have anything to do with skateboarding, but I will try and to tie it all together.It is important to be original. I have a piano and the more I play and learn on it, the more I realize how much I don’t know-just like skateboarding. What I’m saying is Fred Durst is weak, and Roger Waters is not.-The Fool On The Hill

FRONTSIDE INDYFECTION The frontside Indy infection goes deeper than I ever would have thought! I just figured I would share with others who know the truth, enclosed a Monster Skate catalog, with Alex Chalmers doing a frontside air, but the caption says frontside Indy. A snowboarder must have written the caption!-Tyler Ida, Kenesha, Wisconsin

It’s good to know that some people realize “frontside Indy” sounds almost as stupid as “Monster Skate.”

EXTREMELY CONFUSED I have been skating for a long time now, and I’m not getting any better. I want to get extreme, but it’s not happening. I buy extreme deodorant, I drink Mountain Dew, I watch the extreme Games whenever I can. Some kids told me if I buy some Shred Dogz shirts I will be extreme, but they lied. When I go to skateparks I wear my Extreme Games gear and nothing is happening. Do you have any suggestions?-Chad Drummond

Shred dogz? Nah, get a pink Rude Dog tank top. And if you’re really extreme, you might want to get some Oakley Blades, a Tasmanian Devil tattoo, and a “phat” chain wallet.

RONNIE IS THE RULER I just read the Ronnie Creager Pro Spotlight and found out how Ronnie left à¤S because they told him he needed to jump down some handrails and stairs. That is the dumbest move à¤S could have done. Ronnie’s pro shoe was my favorite. I don’t think I’ll buy another pair of à¤S shoes again. I’m just glad Ronnie didn’t change his skating to stay wiith a sponsor.-Matt Simons, Virginia Beach, Virginia

SOCCER RULES! I am a soccer player and a skateboarder. I was reading one of my friend’s TransWorld magazines when I noticed in Litterbox someone was writing that soccer players (and their moms) have no place in skateboarding. I don’t understand. Are soccer players not cool enough to be skateboarders or something? Is it because we wear shin guards and high adidas socks? Or is it because you think we are too small and wimpy? I am still gonna skate and play Tony Hawk no matter what you morons think!-Soccer Playa

SOCCER SUCKS The first thing I want to do is to warn all skaters not to join soccer-it sucks! I made a huge mistake and joined, then yesterday the coach kicked me out of practice and all I was doing was talking to my buddy Jay. I will now stick to skating because skating is the best.-Brian Zapp

BALLS VERSUS BOARDS I started skating about a year ago and I’ve gotten pretty good. But I was a really good basketball player for school, and I’ve got some friends who aren’t really into skating. I’m afraid that it would disappoint them if I didn’t join the team this year just so I can skate more. I would join if it doesn’t really hold back on my skating. My plan was to go to basketball on weekdays and skate on weekends and my free time, but my parents are being f-king bitches and telling me to choose one thing because they want straight As in school this year. I usually wouldn’t give a shit about my work, but my parents are getting more serious every year. I love both things and I can’t make up my mind. Maybe you can give me an idea of what to do.-Jiang Liang

Just take a lesson from Eric Koston-he skates like a champ and dude can dunk over Shaq! Okay, maybe not, but he definitely has some skills on the court and is proof you can do both.

STUPID LETTERS Hey, I just want to say that this magazine is pretty much the only one I read. I get it, tear out the cool pics, and read all the articles. Especially the letters section. Which brings me to my question. I’ve seen letters in there like, “Skateboarding is lame and the only good thing about it is THPS and fingerboards.” Now, my question is, are these real letters sent in by real people, or did you have someone write them for you just to be funny? I thought they were funny, but if they’re real people, then they’re really stupid.-Adam Nohe

You can’t make up stuff that stupid, just like this next letter.

HELMET IDIOT #462 I was shocked and appalled to see that your magazine blatantly encourages young children to risk their lives. By this I mean the complete disregard for wearing safety equipment! In case you haven’t noticed, even the X-Games athletes wear … blah blah, blah- Michelle Toll, Charlotte, North Carolina

Could you be any more of an idiot? You have no idea what skateboarding is, but because you own a TV you’re ignorant enough to think you do. So I’d like to take some time out here to remind you that, well, you’re an idiot. And just to let you know, you’re still an idiot. And in case you forgot, you’re an idiot.

MORE SCOOTERS! Could you guys do me a favor and run more photos of scooters and Rollerbladers? Like a couple sequences of them getting thrown off high buildings or run over by semi trucks? That would be great, thanks.-Jason Ridel, Boston, Massachusetts.

We actually have lots of sequences like that, but unfortunately they’re not wearing any safety equipment, so we can’t show them to you.