Top Five – Daniel Harold Sturt

Surgeons are cool, especially if you need one. How rad of a job would it be to cut people wide open (every time it’s for their own good)? And those guys don’t even have to finish (someone else is always closing up!). Not just anyone can become a doctor, you gotta be smart.

Top Five People Who’ve Wasted Their Lives In Pursuit Of Skateboarding

1. Rodney Mullen.

2. Scott Elliot Pommier.

3. Bill Danforth.

4. Jeremy Henderson.

5. Jamie Thomas.

Won’t Do List

1. Skateboarding.

2. B.A.S.E. jumping.

3. Parachuting-unless it’s free.

4. Motorcycles-dirt or street.

5. Golf.

Rock Stars

1. Barry Henssler.

2. Adam Willard-I apologize for spraypainting an anarchy symbol on your car.

3. Scott Russo.

4. Todd Swalla-yay, cool thing!

5. John Hogan-he’s actually number one, but I wanted to stoke out Barry.

Pool Dogs

1. Diamond Jim The Reek-he’s like a modern-day version of Jason Jessee without the sex and violence.

2. Sam Hitz.

3. Rune Glifberg-modern-day version of Steve Claar.

4. Brian Patch.

5. Peter Hewitt-Peter’s a bullet.

Junk Scientists Who’ve Poisoned Our Minds

1. Alfred Kinsey-proof: Dr. Judith Reisman.com.

2. Charles Darwin-father of hate and racism. Hitler was taught the idea of master race from Chuck.

3. Karl Sagan.

4. Tim O’Leary-Rodney Mullen actually hung out with him.

5. Jacques Cousteau-he made pretend movies like Finding Nemo and The Little Mermaid.

Things To Do Before You Die Or Are Killed

1. Accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior.

2. Say good-bye to friends and relatives.

3. Make new friends out of old enemies.

4. Wear clean underpants.

5. Be absolutely sure about number one.