Comments That Have Gotten You Into Predicaments
1. Telling a bunch of hoods “f–k you” when I was far away from my friends. I got nice and beat up.
2. Almost everything I say.
3. Yelling at people out of a car window and then hitting a red light. I just lock the doors and laugh hysterically, ’cause angry people are funny people.
4. Telling a girl I love her and want to buy her a diet cola. Then finding out I’m standing right next to her boyfriend.
5. Answering my cell phone drunk and saying, “This is Tim O’Connor, I’m wasted and at a strip club.” It ended up being my girlfriend who was calling me.
Tricks You Like To Do
1. Frontside ollies on a ramp.
2. Backside Smith grinds.
3. Backside tailslides.
4. Primo slides while bombing a hill at top speed.
5. Ollie to cartwheel down handrails.
Skaters Of All Time
1. Mike Carroll.
2. Guy Mariano.
3. John Cardiel.
4. Natas Kaupas.
5. Danny Way.
Innovators In Skateboarding
1. Guy Mariano.
2. P.J. Ladd.
3. Brian Wenning.
4. Danny Way.
5. Won Ton Animal Chin.
1. Stefan Janoski switch flip 50-50.
2. Danny Way’s whole life is a banger.
3. Mike Carroll feeble to back tail.
4. Any one of Eric Koston’s last tricks in a video part.
5. John Holmes’ last move in Johnny Wadd Part 4.
Videos Of All Time
1. Plan B Questionable.
2. Blind Video Days.
3. Alien Workshop Memory Screen.
4. World Industries Rubbish Heap.
5. The Rubber Robbie Insta-party video … only a select few have laid eyes on this one.
Companies Of All Time
1. Original Plan B.
2. Original Blind.
3. Alien Workshop.
6. I want Anti-Hero in here, too.
Board Graphics Of All Time
1. Mark Gonzales flower board.
2. Jason Lee Cat In The Hat.
3. First Natas board.
4. Mike Vallely Barnyard board.
5. Almost all Joe Castrucci Habitat graphics–shameless plug.
Skaters Who Should Make Comebacks
1. Brian Lotti.
3. Guy Mariano.
4. Joey McSqueeb.
5. John Cardiel will make a comeback.
Tricks That Shouldn’t Be Done
1. Stop with the heelflip Indys on street. I learned them back before I hit puberty, so I reserve the right to dis the shit out of it. If you don’t dis it then a big ol’ “f–k you,” ’cause your brain is broke.
2. Benihanas in video parts or done with a serious face like you really did something.
3. Salad grinds suck shit. Stefan, don’t do frontside ones anymore, you geek.
4. Late flips had their time and now they’re done–save it for the game of SKATE or when you’re bored and want to hear kids cheer at a demo.
5. On accident stink-bug grabs … just grab around the knee. It’s not that complicated.
1. A Massive Swelling by Cintra Wilson–this broad is pro at talking shit.
2. The dictionary is cool.
3. Books on tape.
4. Most Chuck Palahniuk books.
5. The Bible is well-written and hilarious.
2. My reflection.
3. Oprah Winfrey.
4. David Cross.
5. Bam Margera and his bank account.
1. Mike Carrroll.
2. Kerry Getz.
3. Matt Beach.
4. Tom Penny.
5. Eric Koston.
Innovations In Skateboarding
1. Taking rails off of boards.
2. Daewon Song.
3. Swiss bearings.
4. Bondo usage.
5. Bringing back hightops.
Injuries You’ve Had
1. Left ankle sprain.
2. Right ankle sprain.
3. Left ankle sprain again.
4. Right ankle sprain again.
5. Et cetera–I’ve done it all.
1. Matt Rodriguez should be rich.
2. Marcus McBride should be filthy rich.
3. J.B. Gillet should be rollin’ in the euros.
4. Eric Koston–just kidding.
5. This kid Mike Mancini, a.k.a. The Exalted Retard.
Goals For The Future
1. Get fat and rich without ever having a real job.
2. Make fun and offend everyone on Earth at least once, including myself.
3. Win the Fields medal like that guy in A Beautiful Mind.
4. Invent a new emotion.
5. Do the loop in a handstand.
Hopes/Dreams/Wishes For The Skate World/Industry
1. For skateboarding to look less like TRL.
2. More kids that can skate everything including vert.
3. No more shrink-wrapped pants on kids with harsh styles amplifying their harsh styles into my eyeballs.
4. More fat kids skating big gaps.
5. For skating to have more pros with better brains for kids to look up to.
Tragedies In Skateboarding History
1. Phil Shao passing away. Anytime someone passes unexpectedly.
2. John Cardiel hurting his back.
3. Jim Bates’ fall off the roof.
4. The first kid and every kid after who did a benihana seriously when it was already way out of style. That trick has been out of style since 1990 or something like that, so if you’re doing it, I mean you!