So, why did you start skating?
Well, it all started with the ollie. Then I learned the kickflip. Then I learned the pressure flip, but I got away from those. And I never learned the impossible because they’re impossible. Wait, this is the interview? I don’t think I can do questions like that.
What do you want to talk about?
How about the world social-economic impact of skateboarding?
Okay … what do you think about skateboarding in the Olympics?
You see, the thing is, with skating … when Germany was coming into power, Hitler appropriated the Olympics in Berlin so he could legitimize the Nazis. And after the Americans and other countries won all the events, I think he felt shame, and that’s what sparked all his anti-Semitism and hatred for other people.
How does that relate to skating?
Well, I think skating in the Olympics is bad, because the Olympics started the Holocaust.
Who do you think would win the Olympics?
Uh, Tony Tave. Is he good? I heard he’s good on double-sets or some shit. Or what about Rick McCrank, isn’t he good at that stuff? Wait, Caswell Berry, he’s good.
What about vert?
Oh, Abdias something. The Brazilian vert skater. What’s his name?
You’re picking people whose names you don’t even know.
Hey, but that’s a stupid question.
Who do I think would win vert? I’m not going to answer that question.
So back to skateboarding and world politics.
Okay, that’s what caused … no, my view on it is basically we shouldn’t have skateboarding in the Olympics at all.
What about skateboarding in the Special Olympics?
Maybe special skaters.
How about a vert section for special people who can’t go above two feet, like Andy Mac?
What are you trying to do here? I can’t answer that. But here’s what I’m trying to say. If they’re going to do the vert Olympics, they have to make the ramps with five more feet of vert, because it’s the Olympics and they need to get gnarly. Then people get more competitive and jealous, and there would be a holocaust in skating. It would be so competitive there would be a few crazy dictators in skating. Next thing you know, you’re trying tricks down at Carlsbad High, and then you end up in a ditch shot in the head for trying a 360 flip. It’s like, when did the tre flip become such an incriminating weapon? So that’s the way I feel about the Olympics and skating.