Speaker #22-02

When I can’t focus my thoughts I often sit and I wonder…

I wonder why it always takes me ‘til the last minute to write an editor’s note… I wonder what ever happened to DB Cooper… I wonder why I can’t heelflip when in ’93 I was a self-proclaimed heelflipper. And then I wonder why I care… I wonder if Chris Webber looks down at his feet and actually likes his Dadas… I wonder how I can still yearn for a hot dog after many years of working on a lawsuit determining the safety of processed “meat casings” and everything that fills them… I wonder if Anthrax still has the time ticking in their heads… I wonder where the people that litter Hollywood Boulevard came from… I wonder what the music clerk thought when I purchased albums from Metallica, The Polyphonic Spree, Outkast, Gilles Peterson and James Taylor all at the same time… I wonder how serious people really think they are when they look in the mirror… I wonder how Steve Bartman’s liking life in Florida… I wonder how I can fall asleep on an old, downtrodden leather couch when I have a brand new, name brand “memory foam” bed three feet behind me… I wonder why I have no qualms about erasing a Nate Sherwood voicemail (usually a rap) halfway through, even though Nate has come to be a pretty damn good buddy of mine. And I wonder if I should admit that… I wonder what the Church of Scientology “test takers” are really thinking when they make eye contact with pedestrians through the window… I wonder how soon my three-stair-and-under-club will turn into the two-stair-and-under-club… and then one… and none… I wonder why people buy 60,000-dollar cars and don’t use the 100-dollar turn signals that came free with purchase… I wonder if anyone will ever teach me the phone system in the office…I wonder why I care about getting got for a laptop computer over eBay when thousands of people just lost their entire everythings in a fire that swept away Southern California.

Instead of introducing myself through a diatribe of nothing you care about, I figured I’d list a few things that have wound their way through my head the last week. I definitely won’t “Die Wondering,” like that old Vision (and now Toy Machine?) ad suggests, but it sure is fun to do so in the meantime. —Eric Stricker