Skaters All-Time

1. Guy Mariano—the Michelangelo of skateboarding.

2. The Gonz—creativity that spans all genres of skateboarding.

3. Brian Lotti—one of the first pros I ever met. He taught me big spins.

4. Rodney Mullen—constantly on top of innoskatetion.

5. Mike Carroll—follows no path of the mindless sheep.

Skaters 2004

1. Willy Santos—always up-to-date with the times around him.

2. Jeremy Klein—eats candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

3. P.J. Ladd—the future of skateboarding.

4. Ryan Gallant—can film a video part in two days and still has energy to play video games.

5. Chris Haslam—he sleeps on Seu Trinh’s meningitis-infected floor, proving a solid immune system.

Skate Videos

1. Plan B’s Questionable—there’s no way to articuskate how mind-blowing this video was to me in sixth grade.

2. Blind’s Video Days—taught me to listen to other kinds of music beside Sonic Youth and Public Enemy.

3. Underworld Element’s 1-800 Skypager—Harold Hunter’s laser flip made me spend hours killing my shins trying to master it.

4. New Deal’s The Deal Is Dead—Ron Knigge, where are you?

5. Birdhouse’s Untitled—watched it ’til it burnt in my VCR.

Heroes

1. Bob Kronbauer—one funny human.

2. Frank Kafka—the abstract writer who gives me pride on being odd.

3. John Coltrane—refused to conform to the mindless masses of people around him.

4. Vincent Van Gogh—another human who was descrimiskated for being different.

5. Quentin Tarantino—Kill Bill is a masterpiece in violence.

Five Things Left To Do

1. Get surgery on my mastoid—the bone in my skull behind my ear. I can’t wait ’til it’s over with, so I can skate again.

2. Save up cash, go back to school, and get a Ph.D. in psychology.

3. Move north, buy a house, and relax. I’d love to work helping humans with brain problems.

4. Finish the Under Pressure video. Between me getting meningitis and Jeremy (Klein) stuffing his face with Starburst, we’ve been slacking on this.

5. Find a nice woman with a big heart.

Villains

1. Al Capone—a baller before it was a trend.

2. Darth Vader—you can’t step to a nefarious Jedi living in a big helmet.

3. D.B. Cooper—jumping out of a plane with a grip of cash at 20,000 feet is hardcore.

4. Smokey and the Bandit—anyone who hates the police is rad by me.

5. Puppets that kill—evil, ex-con puppets, yeah!

Tricks

1. Noseslide nollie front foot flip out—Willy Santos is the master.

2. Matt Hensley’s kickflip melons.

3. 360 pressure flip body follow. It’s fun to mess with uneduskated kids. They think it’s a 360 ollie kickflip.

4. Mike Carroll’s feeble to back tail—so illmatic!

5. Brian Wenning’s switch 360 ollie in The DC Video.

Skate Spots

1. Portland, Oregon.

2. Vancouver, BC.

3. L.A.—Santa Monica sand gaps and the Courthouse.

4. SF—Third and Army, and Pier 7.

5. Seattle, Washington—if it’s not raining, of course.

Styles

1. Tony Ferguson—especially his freestyle in Virtual Reality. Rad.

2. Ocean Howell—the 270 flip lipslide in Next was so smooth.

3. Gino Iannucci—still looks like he’s sleeping when he skates.

4. Andy Stone—such an underestiskated person.

5. Jessie Van Roechoudt—the Margaret Mead meets Anna Kournikova of skateboarding.