I have a buddy named Knuckles who works on swimming pools. He lost some fingers when he was young, that’s why we all call him Knuckles. He’s a construction guy–rippin’ apart pools. He called me up one day and said, “I’m up at a mansion, and the guy who hired me is giving me the day off. He’s some crazy mafia guy. Come up here and we can hang out–swim in his pool.”
So I went up there and met Knuckles. It was kind of a weird house on this cliff in Tustin Hills California. It almost had no furniture in it; it was like a mafia party house pretty much. The dude was a crazy guy with lots of money–really nice guy. We swam in his pool and had a good time. He had tons of white vans we could drive around–weird stuff going on. That day went perfectly.
Two weeks later we ended up at some cowboy boogie club in Anaheim. After the club closed, we all walked out the door, and my friends got in a fight. Somebody pulled out either a knife, or a gun, and everybody scattered in all different directions. I couldn’t find any of my friends.
So I was stuck at this 7-Eleven calling everybody I know at 2:30 in the morning. Everybody said, “Use me as a last resort. I’ll come get you.” I didn’t want to pressure anybody who wasn’t awake and whatnot into coming to get me. So I just hung out at 7-Eleven for a bit. This sketchy-looking dude walked in, grabbed himself a Slurpee, and walked out. He had a big brand-new Dodge Ram truck. He said, “Hey, you look stuck. Do you need a ride somewhere?”
I said, “Yeah, I live in Anaheim Hills.”
He’s all, “Oh, I’m headed that way.”
So I jumped in his truck. We’re driving down the road, and he’s driving really strangely–one second twenty miles an hour, the next second 80 miles an hour. Really, really, strange. I didn’t put my seatbelt on, because I thought I was going to have to jump out somewhere along the line.
He asked me, “Why are you stuck here?”
I said, “Well, my friends got in a fight, then something happened, and then everybody was gone.”
He’s all, “Why didn’t you shoot the guys?” He was being completely serious.
I said, “Well, I don’t have a gun. I don’t like guns.”
I looked in the back of his truck–it was an extra cab. He had it filled with duffel bags, like he was moving or he was on the move–really strange. He said, “Grab my gun out of the duffel bag in the ground.”
I said, “I just told you, I don’t like guns, but I’ll grab your bag.”
I grabbed his bag, put it in between us, and he grabbed out his gun. I was scared, but at the same time I had to be calm and cool. He put the gun on my lap. I didn’t touch it. I said, “I don’t know where that thing’s been, and I don’t want to be a part of it.” So he grabbed it off my lap and put it back in his bag. Then he grabbed underneath the seat and pulled out a foot-and-a half-long rod. It unscrewed at one end–like a beater stick. Then he unscrewed it, and it turned into a dagger. He was loaded with all this crazy warfare stuff. He started showing me FBI badges and Secret Service badges. I knew the guy was all cracked up.
I noticed we were going the wrong way. I said, “The 91 freeway is that way.”
He’s all, “No, I think it’s this way.”
I said “I live off the 91 freeway, and it’s that way.”
A car full of gangsters pulled up next to us, and I rolled down my window and asked, “Hey, do you know where the 91 freeeway
The driver’s like, “Yeah, it’s that way.”
The guy I was driving with leaned over me and asked, “Where’s the 5?”
At this point, I was like “How do I get out of this?” ’cause it was getting spooky. But I was still calm and cool–someway, somehow.
We ended up driving up this crazy cliff hill. He was driving like a maniac, skidding around corners–insane. I didn’t have my seatbelt on because I was still looking for the clean way out. So we showed up in this neighborhood, and I recognized the neighborhood. Then he pulled up next door to that guy Bruno’s house, the crazyy mafia dude. I was like, “Oh, that’s where Bruno lives.”
He got ghostly white. He said, “You know Bruno?” I scared the shit out of him. Seriously, if he were standing up he would’ve taken two steps back–his reaction was insane.
I was like, “Yeah, we do a little business here and there,”–kinda fooling with it. He was amazed; he respected this guy Bruno.
We went into the crazy mansion next door to Bruno’s. It was another mafia party house. I wanted to get on the telephone. I said, “I’m going to call over some girls and we’re gonna have a good night.” I wanted to somehow connect with the outside world.
I called a girl I’d talked to earlier. She said, “Do you still need a ride?” I said, “Yes. We’re gonna party all night. Why don’t you come down here?” She said, “You must be drunk. Do you need a ride or not?”
On my side of the line, I had to act like I was getting people over to party. So the girl I was talking to knew something was weird. She’s all, “Are you in trouble?”
I was like, “Kinda of, just come over.”
For five minutes I had to convince him that these girls were coming and we’d have the wildest night ever. I had to completely convince him that this was it. I did.
At this point, the guy freaked out for some odd reason–flipped his lid. He said, “Let’s get out of this house. Get the f–k in the truck.” He was definitely looped on something worse than coke–probably some kind of hallucinogen. He said his house was going to fall off the cliff.
I didn’t want to run from the house, ’cause he obviously knew the hills better than me. I wouldn’t even know where to run. So I jumped back in his truck. We were flying down the hill, and I saw a car coming up. I was like, “That’s her.” He made a U-turn and chased this car down. It wasn’t her. But I was trying to keep us in the neighborhood, so if she did show. And the second car we saw was her. I said, “That’s her for sure.” We chased her down. He was driving so crazy the girl was terrified somebody was trying to kill her.
We pulled up next to her and he’s like, “How come there’s only one of them?”
I said, “Well, they all live in separate places. I called one and she called her friends. They’ll show up one by one.” Then, I said, “Let me go talk to her.” I got out of the truck and went up to her window. I whispered to her, “We gotta get out of here, this isn’t a good situation.” I waved back to him and said, “Oh, she’s tired. I guess she’s going to drive me home, none of the other girls are coming. Have a good one.”
I jumped in with her and this guy chased us all the way through the hills. It was insane. We thought we lost him, we’d hang out around a corner, then all of a sudden he’d come skidding around a corner. That happened like five times.
It just so happened the girl who came to pick me up worked in that neighborhood at an Albertson’s grocery store. So she knew the area and shortcuts and different ways out. She saved the day.
The same guy came into her grocery store about a week later, bought a lottery ticket, scratched it off, and stared at her for a half an hour. She called me and she’s like, “That guy is in my store right now.”
It was crazy. I got out clean, which was amazing.–as told to Tania