Ah-Ha! I’ve Arrived!
The chicken inspector’s in Australia.
Story by Country Cracker
I awoke to a thundering crash. A falling sensation overcame me as I grappled with the couch, dodging frying pans and other household utensils that had taken it upon themselves to create a meteor shower in the front room. I strapped on my paper helmet and made it to the front window—now just shards of glass jutting toward the blue sky, ones that could cut deep into the jugular letting the blood spray all over the walls.
As I looked out I could see the ground coming toward me at a very slow speed. The greater Orange County area was now turning to rubble and dust. Was this the end of all the insanity we once knew? I could feel the descent slowing now. I got back on the couch and prayed for a swift end. No need to endure the pain.
With a dull thud, it all stopped. Everything went silent. I waited for a second or two, then opened my eyes. It was ruined—everything. What would I do?
Out of nowhere, I heard a knock. It wasn’t a stern knock, more like a cold goose-bumped-skin thud. I clambered over 18,000 biscuits to make my way to the door and began prying it open with a banana peel that had made an attempt to free itself from the fruit bowl during the descent. As the first rays of light appeared through the small crack, all I could see was shaking skin as the door finally gave way. I was greeted by a gigantic chicken. It looked petrified—shaking like a newborn baby deer. I don’t know why, but the fact that it had no legs, wings, or head gave me the impression it was the chosen one. I stepped outside and watched it for a second. It turned its mass and asked me if I was ready. I was. It was time.