Hello,my name is hairball,for all intensive purposes.i must tell you,I went on quite an epic adventure this summer.it was filled with shananagans,tom foolery,and general bedazzlement.i mean bitch,the shit was sic!it was a full on adventure.i mean,isn’t that the name of the game?right on brother.AND,sister,if your so inclined.as you may or may not know,doesn’t matter,I like to have fun.when you have so much fun ,it can be hard to remember so much fun,because its so much fun.haha,fun.i’ll try and give you some cities and some stories in which they happened .oh yeah,it was myself,judd hertzler,jon holland,matt dove,clint peterson,ped urtz,donny barley,jesse fritch,ryan wilburn,jason hernandez and pat duffy to begin.seriously though,whats in a name anyways?
Well,we started picking people up in southern california,then northern.we skated grass valley and gus hooked us up at his skate shop there.we had a wonderful bar-b-q and sleep over at rockets house.he knew we were in for a long trip so he gave up some special butter to keep out spirits up.NEAT!.
Next stop,reno.i must say I love reno,so to celebrate ped and i had some butter sandwiches.we were on our way to the skatepark and I go to get some batteries for my walkman,I come out,low and behold,the rv was gone.i felt like bobby brady.whats boy to do?I guess i was feeling pretty thirsy,so to the nearest watering hole I thought.just then I passed by the shimmering lights of the casino and figured I would waste a little time.five minutes into some quarter slot machines this crazy ass bell starts going off and I don’t know what the hell is going on.naturally I’ll ask this hot chic working here.”what do I do”I asked in my best “hold me”voice?”just wait here and they will come pay you”she says in a russian accent.i’m in love for at least three minutes and I’m five hundred bucks richer.that should last a few days.that night we all batted our eyelashes at girls and donny and I enjoyed australian accents.oh yeah,everyone ripped and had fun at the park too.
wait,I almost forgot.at the skatepark it was milfs gone wild for clint,he was giving skate lessons and ended up frenching up a storm with a mom.awesome. Then a little boy on roller blades brought me a phone number and tells me”my mommy said call here if your in town again”.yeah,I know,I couldn’t belive it either.bedazzlement.
Its easy to get carried away in reno and the next day,gladly,we were in kalamath falls oregon.I’ve never seen a better use of space in a skatepark.its not actually that big,but it has way more than most parks five times its size.huge vert capsule,mickey mouse bowl,one that is shaped like a gummy bear,and one that looks like.i shouldn’t say.ok,it looks like a big ding dong.a wiener with all the trimmings.true artists built these parks. Can you tell I’m trying to be on my best verbal behavior?
BURNSIDE!WOOOOO!BURNSIDE!enter danger. we hung out with good looking ladies that night.which can be rare.you got to remember on a trip like this,with so many hungry birds,things can get salty.lucky for us everyone was a sweetheart.i don’t have to say it,but the locals at burnside killed it.ryan went for it from our living quarters to the depths of hell.(rv into the curbed tranny dipshit).also,there we met more of our kind lance mountian,dave swift,niel blender,peter hewitt,alex horne,ed dominic,lance conklin.you know how I feel about the name game but I’m getting paid by word so the more the merrier.some of us went to go see high on fire that night but I checked the footy of them having a blast at donald bowl.frontside.
The next day at the river.I was convinced that pat was totally fucking nuts.I seen him do gainers off the sketchest things ever.i wont even try to explain it.gnarly.matt caught lots of snakes and lizards.check it out though,he cought them with a fishing pole that had a lasso tied at the end.he knows magic too.
Ahhh seeatle,now theres a city.jesse and matt flew out,danny way and jake brown came in.bambridge was fun but orcas takes the cake.i seriously surfed there and cought some tubes.danny skated like a man and did some shit that was super sic.that night we had a nice lodge with a spa until we met up with the party mammals choppy and duncan.i think the proprieters of the lodge were jelous of our party skills and said we couldn’t stay another night in there precious cabin.lucky for us the locals were truly hospitable and welcomed us in like babies that needed their diapers changed.i think more people may have went to make out mountian that night too.
I’ll cut this one short.we tried to go to canada and they said” no,we think your bad boys”.then danger took us to a sic pool in washington,but it’s a secret,like most good ones.so I’m not telling where.in fact,what pool?art party in seattle?sure.marshall from manik took us.i don’t know about everone else,but I talked to a girl with real nice hair and eyebrows.i was I love for at least six minutes.the world is my clam.oh,and another thing.pat and danny are super good guitar players and I got to rock the house with them.
Anyone for a street schralp?marshall,our seattle tour guide,took us to some good ones.barley did some craziness,out of the blue at a roof gap where some old wacky bastards ended up breaking a camera(see video).then danger tried to nose pick into this psyco ass bank,and he was already hurt.needless to say I thought he was digging for china as hard as he smacked the ground,and he was speaking in a forien language too.donny had a broken toe and danny had a knee the size of my head earning them both hospital visits with danger.clint all the while got jiggy on rails and had some handsom footwork.
On our way to hailey idaho I could feel it coming to a close and it made pat and danny rip even harder..i think the judmeister and I were mentally wrecked from women by this time..idaho the adventure didn’t stop.shredding went on full throttle as did the party machine.we got hooked up tough in our parting hours at sushi on second in hailey.life is interesting,if you make it that way.remember those books,choose your own adventure?well forget them they’re stupid.i’m sure I forgot a lot and alot I can’t tell you about too.i’m going back to the north west because the brakes on my party train don’t work.don’t let you meat loaf.