GLC interview with XIAN

When’s the new album being released? When I say released I don’t mean “left in a taxi.”

It was never left in a taxi-that was a lie made up by the sloppy British press. It might be avalible in the UK in September. Check file sharing Web sites-they usualy have these things first.

Is Two Hats really a bit of a toowat?

Yes, all he does is sleep. He’s like a weed smoking rabbit. He likes to f-k, too. I think he just likes going to bed.

Were you wearing Bauer’s when you were skating around backwards to “Axel F”?

I wasn’t, but Leeroy Fashion’s was. He’s still got them and wanted to wear them on stage but it was proper dangerous-eight men and a fat bloke on roller skates.

Or were you wearing the ones where the trucks screw straight into a dap/trainer?

No I had to hire mine. I got the ones where any metal dug into your feet rub off all the skin give you blisters and leave you needing a tetanus jab.

Mike Balls a.k.a. Hardest Man In Soccer Violence, are you as hard as Bully Fulman or Anton Melli?

We don’t know any opera singers but they probably would f-k us up. Mike’s more of a Sunday league type of guy.

Being that there are 812 band members (at least that’s what it looks like at your gigs), can anybody join? Are you more of a youth club than a band?

It’s a way of life-like community service, you know. Everyone’s GLC in someway.

Did you know any of the Dirty Sanchez Boys before all of you were famous?

I used to see Pritchard walking around Cardiff naked back in the day and my ex mussus, “Puff Blowjob Lips” fancied Dayton (I think he might’ve got the finger in at a New Year’s eve party). Those dudes are nuts. The funny thing is, I think they were good at skating and gave it all up to slam their balls in a door. That’s living the dream.

Do the nightclubs in Newport still have a one o’clock license because all the locals are right out of it?

There’s one club that applied for a 6:00 a.m. license and all the other clubs shut at 2:00 a.m., so you can imagine what that’s like-the killing fields. It’s f-king carnage. It’s wicked.

Do you feel the National Assembly building should have been in Swansea instead of Cardiff, being as the people of Cardiff voted against the assembly?

The assembly is a load of wankers wasting millions of hard earned cash on fat wankers who waste even more money. I went to the Cardiff museum to have a piss and they were searching people’s bags. What the f-k is that all about? Apparently the Welsh assembly told them to do it-twats. No one’s going to blow anything up in Wales, no one knows where it is.

Siarad cymraegre. Any of the band Welsh speaking?

Obviously, no.

In 2004 you did a gig with the Super Furry Animals-are you fans of their music (cause music don’t get much better)?

Yes they’re the best band in the world. Cian just did a remix of our new single “Your Missus Is A Nutter.”

How many tracks are on the new album? Am I going to get my money’s worth or am I gonna have to download from e-mule?

We started off with about 25 tunes but I couldn’t remember what I had sampled and the record company said we couldn’t use them, so we ended up with about twelve tunes.

Do you plan on having any more trainer lines?

I’m trying to get free green flash out of Dunlop you know the ones with the velcro. So much easier when you’re stoned. They’re the best shoes and well cheap so I think they could throw some my way.

What was it like playing Glastonbury this year? Did you have your

own canoe.

All types of mud and everyone’s on the blag. You can tell which of your friends is really scum, because they’re the ones who work there to get in for free doing something wanky like pretending to be security or helping in the first aid bit, but they’re all out of it on love drugs or cider.

You’ve already collaborated with the Super Furries, have you ever

been approached by Tom Jones to do something? Not necessarily a

music ccollaboration, you know what I’m saying?

I want to do Charlotte Church. I mean, I want to do a track with Churchy. She could be the next J Lo. Churchy’s got a body on her.

Who would win in a fight-Tommy Cooper or Windsor Davies?

Windsor Davies is wicked. You got to make everyone aware of Never The Twain. It’s got Donald Sinden in it. F-kin’ amazing. They made eleven series of it. Those were the days. I think he’s dead now.

Do you have a message for the non fans?

Get involved.

Leeks or onions?

I can never decide on either.

Sheep or girls?

Raw meat shaped like a girl.