Where’s Ozzy At?

Perhaps it was just all too good to be true. You know how these rumours start and how they escalate. Hell, you just gotta spend some time on the message board if you ain’t sure what I’m talking about.

This story goes something like this: Ozzy Osbourne is having a party at his mansion in Hollywood. It’s his daughter’s birthday, his son’s in to skateboarding, and there’s going to be a mini ramp. They want some skaters there to hang and do demos. One of the lucky skaters on the list was Matt Mumford. Not wanting to miss out on anything, I persuaded Matt to come into the office and take along some cameras so he could get a photo for the wall. Just imagine a shot of you chilling with the Darkman, wouldn’t the girlfriends be impressed (and some day the grandchildren)?

A couple of days later, the call came from Matt that he’d managed to get a plus-one for me and did I want to come along. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. On the drive to Hollywood we listened to ACDC non-stop. Looking back, this may have been a bad omen waiting to happen. Why would we want to listen to Ozzy? We’d be partying with him in around two hours, probably singing “War Pigs” with him on the Karioke machine.

By the time we’d settled down in the hotel bar a different tale was beginning to emerge. For a start, the party was not going to be at Ozzy’s house¿a hall had been rented. Two hours later, we were in the hall looking for the beer, kids were everywhere, and most of the skaters headed off to where the grown-ups were hanging. Amongst the many attractions there was a mini ramp, although I never saw anyone ride it. Plenty of skaters had made the effort to show, all thinking the same thing: that we’d at least get a glimpse of the man himself. Danny Way, Colin McKay, Mark Appleyard, Jamie Thomas, Matt Mumford, Adrian Lopez, Erik Ellington, Elissa Steamer, were all there. Sadly, Ozzy was not.

It was a chance to see how the other half live¿a party with no expense spared. But most of us just wanted to see Ozzy. As the night progressed, it became more and more obvious that this wasn’t going to happen. To make matters worse, Nolte had just left when we got there¿Matt was really gutted.

It’s funny how the mind works¿by the end of the night, none of us really cared what the hell happened. The Burgundy room took Ozzy off our minds until the morning. What remains is the disappointment of telling all our friends that we never got to meet the man. We could have lied, but what’s the point? I even thought of photoshop. Gene said we should just go get an Ozzy figure from the local model shop, and take a shot of us in the background.