Last Words

Last movie you saw: Asian Sluts 5.

Last CD you bought: Who still buys CDs? If I were to buy one, I’d buy the Touch-Tone Terrorist CD, they’re the best crank-callers.

Last time you passed out: I don’t pass out. Passing out is for pussies.

Last book you read: I don’t read books because I think books are horrible and stupid.

Last time you thought you were going to die: One month ago on my way to Japan via Delta Airlines. I hate flying.

Last magazines you subscribed to: WWF and Asian Fever.

Last time you were nervous: When I was on the pier, right before being lit on fire.

Last video game you played: Quake 3 online, and I f¿ked shit up. My name online is F¿K YOU in all caps. John Hapton got his.

Last time you signed an autograph: One week ago. I was at a porn shop and some guy wanted an autograph for his kid. I signed a copy of Juggs for him.

Last time you skated a handrail: I got nutted.

Last time you felt totally confused: When I checked out a PC. PCs suck; I only use Macs.

Last foreign country you visited: Japan is the only foreign country I ever visit.

Last time you gambled: I lost.

Last trick you filmed: Drop-in to slam, slam again. I slam a lot.

Last song you listened to: “Ice, Ice, Baby” by Vanilla Ice.

Last time you had a confrontation with the cops: Two months ago when I drove my on-fire van over a tree.

Last time you woke up not knowing where you were: On tour I woke up to firecrackers on my lap in the van¿luckily I was wearing my goggles.

Last fight you got in: I got in a fight with a security guard¿he had a ponytail and Oakley Blades. Oakley Blades are so gay.

Last time you were inspired: When I first heard the Touch-Tone Terrorists’ crank calls it made me want to crank-call again.

Last article of clothing you bought: Fireproof underwear for 80 dollars. It’s total bullshit. It doesn’t work.

Last time you felt stupid: Spending 80 dollars “fireproof” underwear.

Last freestyle contest you won: F¿k freestyle.

Last time you apologized: To my friend for torturing his cat buy putting it in the shower, closing the door, and turning on the water. Cats hate water.

Last time you rode in an ambulance: Six months ago while filming Destroying America with my nurse bitches.

Last time you got ripped off: Every time I get my paycheck.

Last time you were injured: I almost had my nuts blown off by a pack of firecrackers while I was driving the van.

Last joke you heard: That John Hampton (Birdhouse production manager) thinks he’s good at Quake 3.

Last time you focused a board: Every time I skate.

Last skate video you watched: World Industries’ Rubbish Heap.

Last time you took prescription drugs: Never.

Last time you were arrested: Six months ago when I drove my van into a port-a-potty.

Last meal you ate: McDonald’s McRib sandwich with double meat.

Last trick you learned: Well, I just learned how to drive over six trees in a row instead of just three.

Last time you failed: When I tried to drive over seven trees in a row.

Last good tip someone gave you: Play with matches.

Last time you felt discouraged about the skateboard industry: Every day.

Last time you vomited: If I ever eat tomatoes. F¿k vegetables, they suck. I like eating candy and meat.

Last time you went to church: When I was seven years old, and it f¿kin’ sucked. I knew from that moment on that I hated church and religion.

Last time you felt proud: Every time I throw trash out of my car window on the freeway. I love to litter.

Last time you ran over something with a van: Every time I drive my van.