Weird Story – Moses Itkonen

Weird Story Moses Itkonen tells TransWorld about riding the bus Red Dragon-style.

I used to skate at The Richmond Skate Ranch and stay over weekends at Colin McKay’s house or Gordon and George Faulkner’s place in North Vancouver–I was probably sixteen at the time, living in Mission a small town 40 miles from Vancouver. The bus ride from Richmond to North Van was pretty long–almost two hours–and close to a dozen of us took the bus: Teenager Sean Laidlaw, Sam Devlin, Gordon and George, Ben Nickel, Colin and Casey McKay, me, and a few other guys.

While waiting for the bus, we’d always go to 7-Eleven and steal candy–this was when really baggy clothes were in, so it was easy to steal tons of candy. We all had huge duffel bags stuffed with our pads, candy, and clothes. When we got on the bus, we would take over the back and throw our bags into a big pile in the aisle. If we were bored and had some extra time to kill, we’d see how fast we could get kicked off the bus. We’d do flips off the seats into the pile of bags. I think our best time was under one stop–the driver didn’t even make it the few blocks before kicking us off.

One time, Teenager pulled the bell cord so hard it snapped–that was pretty effective in getting us kicked off. Casey’d yell, “Light the fuse!” That was our cue to start messing around. He’d start throwing candy from the back. We set our skateboards in the aisle, put a duffel bag on the boards, and sat on top. When the bus stopped, we shot down the aisle smashing into seats (and sometimes people) until we got to the front of the bus. Once, we stole an entire box of gum, chewed it, and put it together into a big, sticky mass. It was the size of a small football. These girls in a car next to the bus were being lame, so when we got off the bus, we threw the gum onto their windshield. It just stuck there. When they put on their windshield wipers and it spread all over the window.

The most we ever got kicked off in one trip was four times. After a while, we’d get bored and just want to get home. I also saved my bus transfers for an entire year. The transfers only had the day and month on them, not the year. I kept them organized, and the next year I didn’t pay for the bus at all.

The bus was fun, but I haven’t taken it in a long time–I’ve got a Subaru Outback now.