Nate Sherwood’s Birthday

Unedited Words by Nate Sherwood

“beware of the ides of march” That is the saying in Rome, due to the fact on the 15th of march Julius Cesar was stabbed 15 times in his own senate hall. Well i thought the Ides of march was a great day to seliskate my belated b day due to the fact i was bizzy filming and working on my real b day of march 9th, So i posted a bulletin on myspace made a few calls and decided to go to a local brew pub / pizza joint in carlsRad killer cali. So I get to the spot at 8 pm and me and Cullin start ordering a pizza with all the fixings. a few minutes later Scott? shit or is it Steve? anyway the guy that runs Krew shows up with a harem of woman and starts chatting it up he tells me “man I am getting you a hooker tonight” I was like Fuck that he was like “come on nate lets go to t.j. I was like a t.j. hooker? you mean you want to get me a hooker in Mexico? i was like fuck you get me a nice pretty woman steez one from sun set , he was like “na fuck that American hookers make you rock a rubber man they are no fun” you need a hooker that has no teeth and does not care about a rubber” I was beginning to think that he was not joking due to the fact he knew all these details about woman of the night in different country’s. i Begin to think to myself as well shit i just shook this guys hand and it is obvious that he must have at least 40 S.T.D.s floating on that hand from his domestic and imported prostitutes, I then grabbed my trusty bottle of hand sanitizer and cleaned my hand off fully. Right then he noticed that i was cleaning my hands and he became offended by my harsh statement “Nate why da fuck are you cleaning your hands you are a fucking ass hole” so home boy picked up a plate of Cesar Salad and tossed it at my dome his harem of chicks picked up pizza and any drinks laying around and tossed them at me callun Blair and Grecian and molly and Ali buba and the 40 thieves plus the donez twin,s hit the deck in the face of heavy fire. next thing i know the bar tender who looked like Chris hall mixed with the bass player from slayer comes running out and and brake,s up the dope food fight and is threaten to call the cops, i took off running and so did the donez bro,s , we hid in a shrub till Cullen rolled up in a big van and told us to jump in, so we did next thing i know i am at squid Joe,s talking to this Canadian woman about free medicine in Canada and drinking rum and coke, the Krew dude shows up after about an hour and he decided it was in my best interest to go to t.j. i was drunk no clue what i agreed to but I ended up on the road in this truck on my way to Mexico to get some hivs, lucky enough i sobered up enough to understand what the game plan was by the time I got to Del Mar, I told the dude and his chicks to pull over that i needed to puke, so he did, then I made a run for it. he was screaming and his posse chased me but what they did not know is that I had my ES shoes on and there shit can,t keep up with a motiskated nato at 1 am , I ran and hid at Earl Warren middle school home of the famous 16mm tom penny clip with the down hill halls in it. after an hour of cat and chase I lost them in the catacombs of this school I know now how Cesar must have felt 2000 years ago trying to evade his Killers in the Rome. I grabbed my Nokia and called up Amalia the rad Canadian lady who i met at squid Joe’s, she picked me up and took me to my car and we talked about skipping stones and birds of Paradise and gardens and shit, Of course I thought what a nice lady it must be the water up there no woman from killer cali would ever pick up some pale dude like me and give him a lift to his ride at 230 am. i had developed a crush on her, i mean why not she saved me from hivs and a 11 mile walk home, So right then she lit up a joint and I had to run for the hills due to the fact I am elegiac to smoke of any kind I covered my face and told her thanks for the ride and got the fuck out of there before I dyed. She thoought it was odd how i jumped so fast from her car to mine with my shirt over my face but my lungs are the only reason i em here today to tell you this story if i had shitty lungs i would have been kidnapped and stuck in t.j right now as we speak of this. Nate